I recommend reading from the file instead due to some formatting not carrying over.

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Coin of Chaos: A Profound Life Experience
By PCZelda

You will never believe what happened to me. Heck, I can hardly believe it, and I witnessed it first-hand. Here I was, on my wedding day. I—no, maybe I should just start from the beginning.

6:01 am. I’m lying in bed, groaning from my alarm clock buzzing me out of a great dream only one minute ago, telling me to start day 25 of the 22nd year of my way-too-normal life. Groaning again, I yank off the covers and walk over towards the bathroom to get ready for yet another day of work.

Looking in the mirror, I see an average-looking guy with short ear-length brown hair, green eyes and an almost-perfect complexion, just a few pimples, looking back at me. He grins, showing his teeth. “Robert Torremore, you’ve gotta start taking better care of yourself,” I told that guy, looking at the slightly yellow-colored teeth in my reflection.

After a refreshing hot shower, a bite to eat and a glance at the morning paper, I hopped into my Chevrolet and thought about the rush-hour fun that awaited me. Bop, bop, ping, ping, tilt. Only your next ball could cost you thousands of dollars.

Finally I pulled into the asphalt jungle that formed the front of my company’s building where I worked. ‘Ho-hum, another day at work,’ I thought as I exited my car. A pretty Caucasian 5’5” teenager greeted me at the door with a smile on her face.

“Good morning, Robert!” she cooed happily as I came in the door. She was twirling her long blonde hair with a finger and batting her long fake eyelashes slightly. I could almost swear she was flirting with me.

“Hi Tiffany, how’d the rest of your day go yesterday?”

She giggled, moving her dainty French-manicured hands down to adjust the ample leverage that was under her white silk blouse, which had been unbuttoned just enough to show a tease of cleavage, and then down further to straighten out her short black ruffled skirt. “It couldn’t have gone better! I rented a deliciously steamy romantic movie as I savored every bite of my food. It was a nice way to wind down from the day at work here. If only I had a handsome boyfriend to share moments like that with!”

“Well, I hope you find him. See you later, I have to get to work.” I walked to the back of the store, to the loading area. Just then my slightly overweight boss came out.

“Oh, Robert, I’m glad you’re here. A call came in, we have a lot more trucks to unload today then we usually do.”

‘Oh no,’ I thought, ‘well, I’m gonna sleep well tonight.’ “Ok, James, thanks,” I said, “I’m on it.”

A couple hours later, I was more than ready when James came out and called break time. Taking a sigh of relief, I pulled out a chair and sat down. As I did I felt my foot kick something heavy and hard. ‘That’s funny,’ I thought, glancing down. Curiously I reached down and picked up the round object that I’d kicked.

It appeared to be a coin, but it was like no coin I’d ever seen before. It was surprisingly heavy for its size, for one thing. Another was the strange images on both sides of it. On one side, there was a dragon blowing flames at a castle. On the other, an image of a genie, his hands held together, palm up, showing between them a single tattooed “1.”

Believing that I maybe needed to make a wish, I thought hard for five minutes. What did I really want? Just then it came to me. “I wish I could have a profound life experience.”

“Hey Robert, what’s that?” I looked up into the face of Timothy Hussman, a balding redheaded co-worker of mine.

“Oh, it seems to be a coin, Tim.”

“Huh? What seems to be a coin?”

“Why, the coin I was just holding.”

Tim looked down and examined my hands. “What coin? I don’t know what you thought you were looking at, Robert, but your hands are empty. I’m a busy man, and the boss has a tendency to get mad at me if I’m not doing anything. Make sure that what you have is really interesting before you call me over.”

Confused, I glanced down at my hands. The coin had indeed vanished. “Tim, you had to have seen it.”

“Seen what? I came over to let you know that break was over, to find you looking at nothing in your hands.”

“Oh, never mind.” Nothing seemed to happen, so in the hustle and bustle of the workplace during the rest of the day, the pace we had to keep up, I almost totally forgot about the coin.

After sitting through rush hour traffic again, I finally made it home after 6pm, exhausted. After eating a quick TV dinner, I fell into bed, feeling like I could sleep for 20 years.

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That night I had the strangest dream. I could hear voices in my mind, voices I’d never heard before. The strangest thing was that these voices were totally in my mind; it seemed as if my ears didn’t have any use at all. I wandered around, saying, Hello, can anyone hear me? The voices just continued to rise in pitch until I heard a girl’s scream in my head, waking me up.

‘What the?’ I thought, ‘how’d I get here?’ I distinctly remembered going to sleep in my own bed. Now I seemed to be in some kind of forest. There was little light, and I didn’t seem to be anywhere near civilization of any kind. I stood up, and scratching my head, tried to get my bearings.

Deciding that to be useless, I just chose a direction and started walking. It was better than starving to death. 20 minutes later, just as I was beginning to think there was no end to this forest, suddenly I found myself leaving it. The sun was starting to rise slowly in the sky. No, that was wrong. I stared in confusion for a few minutes before I finally realized what it was. There were two suns. Not one, but two.

‘What’s going on here?’ I thought. ‘Where the heck am I?’ Just then people began to filter out of hiding places all over the place around where I was standing. They were all staring at me. Hadn’t they seen a human being before? I couldn’t see them very well in the early morning light’s glare, but their basic shapes seemed about the same as mine; they still walked on two legs and had two arms, a chest, etc.

“Hello, can you help me? I’m lost, and have no idea where I am.” I thought through the glare I saw eyes widening, and I heard shrieks of surprise. In my mind. The morning was so quiet you could hear a pin drop, yet my mind was being bombarded with voices.

One of them approached me cautiously, staring. It raised a hand and touched my mouth. I recoiled in surprise at its touch. It didn’t feel like a hand at all. I heard a frightened shriek in my mind as the creature in front of me recoiled also. Since the morning glare was beginning to fade, I was finally able to look around and see this strange gathering of people.

Starting at the creature that had touched my mouth, his (I think it was a he, who can tell?) legs and feet seemed to be normal. Moving up, I saw his belly, and then my heart almost rose into my throat. “He” had feet instead of hands. Moving upwards, I got a further shock. The chest was normal, but it was above the chest that caused my shock. “He” had two heads. One of the heads had short hair, and appeared to have a beard, the other long hair and smooth skin. It looked like a man and woman sharing the same body. My, their faces look strange.

Oh my. I raised my right hand to touch what looked like the male face, which appeared to have what looked like a vagina in place of the mouth and nose, rising vertically like a normal woman’s vagina. “He” gave another shriek in my mind and stared in horror at my hand. Evidently “he” had never seen one of those before. Continuing my search, I looked at the female head, which looked like a normal woman’s head. “Her” mouth was closed.

I looked around at my surroundings. About a third of the people here had this same form as my silent interrogator; the rest were similar, but these changes were quite jolting also.

All three “types” of people here had feet instead of hands, and had two heads, one male with a vagina on its face and one female. No wonder my friend had seemed so shocked to see my hand. A second third of the people seemed to have no lower halves at all. They used the feet they had at the end of their arms to walk around with. The third type…well, these were similar to my interrogator’s kind, except their butt and legs were turned around backwards. At least this “people” had the decency to wear some sort of clothing. It was more like rags, but it covered the private areas quite well. Their rags seemed slightly dress-like in appearance, the lower part resembling some sort of skirt. They had nothing covering their legs. I could also hear in my mind what sounded like babies crying, but a glance around told me there weren’t any babies here. I took it that the “people” I was seeing weren’t babies because the sounds I heard in my mind from them were different.

Deciding that I wasn’t a threat, the person who’d come forward gestured to me to follow, raising a foot and swaying it in a gesture of welcome. It directed me to a hut several feet away, and let me follow it inside. There were a few of this kind of people inside, tending a few people that looked sick, so I took it that these few standing in the hut were doctors. They looked at me with kind expressions on their faces, any fear gone since I had been welcomed in. One of them walked towards me, holding a rag, silently suggesting that I smell it. I asked, “What is that?” They just stared in surprise, hearing me speak, and gestured again that I smell the rag. I quickly regretted doing that because I passed out like a light.

A few minutes later I woke up. At least it felt like a few minutes; whatever they’d “drugged” me with, it could have been hours. I was lying in some kind of primitive bed. One of the doctors spoke in my mind. Hi sleepyhead. We took the liberty of injecting a tiny harmless object into your head so you can understand us. Don’t worry, it’s completely safe. Now that you can understand us, we’d like to offer you a choice. Listen carefully before you answer; a nod of your head will signify yes, a shake no. Would you like to learn about us better? If so, we’ll put you back under, as the best way to understand us is to learn firsthand. If no, then we’ll let you leave our quaint little town, to go back where you came from, never to return. We’ll have to mostly wipe your mind clear of your memories here; but we can’t totally do that, so you’ll have some hazy mists of what happened here, and not knowing about us could haunt you for the rest of your life. Now, what is your choice?

I thought for a while. These people are a little scary-looking, and what do they mean by learning firsthand? But the possibility of being haunted for the rest of my life for not following my curiosity seemed like a bad idea, so I slowly nodded my head. The scientist smiled again. Good choice. I felt a rag cover my mouth and nose as I drifted off into a dreamless sleep once again.

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I woke up, not knowing where I was. I tried to call out, but discovered my mouth made no noise. Frantically, I thought, Help me! What’s going on here? One of the scientists entered the hut.

You’re awake! The scientist said in my mind. I can let you see part of your body; sorry, but you can’t see all of it yet, it’s bad luck. I can tell you however that the operation was a complete success. Consider yourself fortunate!

“He” quickly brought over some kind of curtain, which he placed right next to my head, making an imaginary line down the vertical length of my body, hiding the other half from my view. Proffering a mirror (I was surprised to see that here, even though it had an ancient look to it), “he” held it out for me. I looked into the mirror at my own face. Wait, that couldn’t be my face! The only things that were the same were my eyes, the surrounding skin of my face, my ears and hair. In the middle I now had a woman’s vagina, where my mouth and nose should be! Shocked, I brought up a hand to touch it, only to notice I didn’t have a hand anymore. It was now a foot! Pressing my new toes to my “mouth”, I used them to push apart the lips, and grasped the inner labia, sending waves of pleasure through my body. I didn’t feel any air coming in or out of my face, yet I could feel my body breathing. It was a weird feeling. I tried to move my other hand, or foot, I had no idea which it was since the curtain blocked my view, but it felt paralyzed.

I don’t feel any breathing, I told “him.”

You don’t? Are you sure about that?

Well, I feel air moving in and out, yet I’m unable to do it; I’m confused.

Did you really expect a vagina to be able to breathe? “He” asked. Responding to the confused expression on my countenance, “he” added, Don’t worry, you’ll understand all in due time.

You said it was bad luck for me to see the rest of my body; I also can’t seem to move anything on the other side of my body; why is that?

In due time, “he” repeated. Right now, you’ve gone through major surgery. Even though there were no complications, surgery still tires people out. I’d suggest you get your sleep.

Realizing how tired I was, I drifted off into sleep, welcoming the repair that would come from sleeping.

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There were people in my room when I woke up. Oh good, shall we get started? Someone asked.

With what? I asked.

The ceremony, silly, one of them said.

You forget I’m not from this place. I’m not aware of your customs yet.

Yes, sorry, that person said. It’s easy to forget. Bringing forth their arms, they used their toes so deftly in removing my clothing, I’d never see the like before. They also managed to do it while keeping the curtain in place, dividing my body into two halves.

I glanced down at my crotch area. Shocked, once again I moved my foot, directing it downward to feel at my groin. All traces of my penis were gone; not even pubic hair remained there. Nor was there a vagina; it was only plain skin. Noticing me looking and feeling down there, someone pulled my foot away, while another took out a long, rather wide piece of cloth.

It seems like you need this, “he” stated, you can’t seem to restrain yourself. Pulling the blindfold open with his feet, “he” tied it around my eyes. At that instance I felt the curtain pulled away, it being no longer needed. Someone kept hold of my foot so I wouldn’t feel the need to reach over to touch the other half of my body as I felt clothing being lowered over my body. Funny, but this clothing didn’t feel like anything I’ve ever felt before. Some of it did, but that’s what was weird about it.

I heard something earlier. Someone told me it was bad luck for me to see the other half of my body. What were they talking about?

Good, you’re almost ready. I’m so excited, it’s going to be a beautiful ceremony.

You didn’t answer my question; what ceremony?

Oh, sorry, I keep forgetting that you’re not from here. I’m not permitted to say much; I’m told it’s better if you witness everything with your eyes.

Please answer my question.

The person sighed. After several minutes of private thought, the person finally spoke. I’ll say one thing, but after that you must promise not to ask any more questions about your personal situation. Have you ever heard it’s bad luck to see the bride before the wedding?

My eyes widened in shock. You’re not going to—

Oh, don’t worry, it’ll be ok. I think you may even like it.

Realizing that I couldn’t reason my way out of this, I changed tack. Ok, can you tell me some things about your race of people?

If the answer to your questions doesn’t give information I’m forbidden to give, go ahead.

Where I come from, we’re all male and female. Do your people have genders?

That’s an interesting question, the person said. After some more thought, We don’t and we do. You want to label us by saying he or she, him or her, label us however you wish.

I noticed the female vagina on my face. All the males have that?

Female vagina? Where’d you get such an idea? The vagina has always been a part of the male. Since the beginning of our times. Sometimes you ask the strangest questions.

Where I come from it’s a part of the female.

That’s fascinating, the person said. I’ve never heard the like.

How long do you live on average?

No longer than you can live if you have great health. We tend to live lives of 90 to 100 years, sometimes more.

Wow. Also, I heard a sound when I came here like babies crying. Seeing that I’m smooth down between my legs, the question rises, how do you procreate? You have to do something to keep your race from dying out.

Sorry, but I’m forbidden to answer this question, “he” said. All I can tell you is that we’ve been carrying on like this for thousands of years; our written history goes quite a way back.

I felt stuff that was slightly wet get put on the other, unseen part of my body, and then felt shoes being placed on my feet. (The feet at the ends of my legs, that is.) It’s funny, but the shoe on my side felt totally different from the shoe put on the other side.

Ok, so how about—

“He” put a big toe to my lips, silencing me. Not now. It’s time for the ceremony to start!

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I was standing at the edge of the ceremony hall. I felt slightly uncomfortable as they led me, still blindfolded, but they were very calming in my mind, and I didn’t run into any obstacles on the ground that I couldn’t see, so I didn’t continue to worry about it. The cool air hitting my vagina lips was definitely a new feeling though.

I felt someone grab the side of my body that I wasn’t yet permitted to see, who started to guide us forward. When “he” did so, I heard everyone in the audience stand. Thinking it weird that they’d stand for the groom, not the bride, I continued in stride until I reached the front of the ceremony room.

Hi Robert, I’m here to guide you through the ceremony.

Do I have to still be blindfolded?

Oh, no you don’t. I must ask, however, that you keep your foot to yourself until we say you can move it, understand?

Yes. It was still a shock to hear “foot”, and I shivered.

Ok, remove the blindfold, he called out in everyone’s minds.

I felt feet at the back of my head, and had the welcome onslaught of light as it was removed. Glancing to my right side, I had another shock. There was another head there, and it had a big white veil covering its face, a veil so thick it was impossible to see the face. Glancing down, I noticed that right down the vertical half of our body, our clothing was divided into two pieces; the right side was a bridal gown, complete with train in the rear, my side one half of a man’s tux. Now I realized why the clothing felt so different, and why I felt a different shoe being put on each of my bottom feet. The only question was, how did these people know how our wedding clothing looks?

Not realizing they’d heard me, someone replied, Oh, it was an easy task of examining your rather strange clothing and cross-referencing it to find out what you men and women wear where you’re from. I’m sure you’ll also find we know information about weddings where you come from too. We wanted you to feel more comfortable with us. But now we must start the ceremony.

The two-headed man-woman in front of me began to speak, as if on cue. Dearly beloved, we’re gathered here today to join this man and this woman in holy matrimony. If anyone feels that these two should not be wed, well, there’s nothing we can do about that. I felt a shiver go down my side of my body when I heard that. What was I getting into?

Alyssa, do you take Robert to be your wedded wife? For richer, for poorer… he went through the whole speech, and had her recite what she was supposed to.

I felt a pretty voice in my head say, I do. Don’t ask me to describe how a silent voice could be beautiful, it just was. Maybe it’s just something you have to be there to understand. It sent chills down my spine.

I heard some crying behind me in the audience, and glanced around. One of the female heads was crying, and she was dabbing a handkerchief with her foot to her eyes. I love weddings, she said.

‘Well, there’s at least one at every wedding, I guess,’ I thought, then turned back to the Justice of the Peace.

Robert, do you take Alyssa? He went through the whole thing, asking me to repeat what I was supposed to.

I thought hard. This woman was really brave. She didn’t even know me, no more than I know her, and I’m even an outsider. Yet she came, and sounds beautiful. How could I say no? I do, I said.

Man of Honor, do you have the rings?

I saw a man-woman nearby lift up a cushion. On it weren’t the kind of rings I’d expect to see at a wedding. Then I remembered that we now had feet instead of hands. A nice gold toe ring was pushed onto my middle toe, and then the foot from the female side of my body was brought forward. Its toenails were painted a lovely crimson color. A toe ring with a pretty white diamond was pushed onto one of the toes of her foot.

I now pronounce you man and wife. You may kiss the bride.

I turned towards my wife (What am I thinking? This is my body) and raising my arm, I gripped the front of the white veil with my foot and raised it so I could see her face. Wow, she’s beautiful! She must have heard me, because she smiled. But then I realized something. How does a woman with a normal mouth and nose kiss a guy with a vagina? As if in answer to my question, her mouth started to part, and something started pushing its way out. A dick! I have a female head next to mine on my shoulders, and there’s a penis in its mouth! I couldn’t believe it.

Taking a quick glance around the audience, I saw the penises in many womens’ mouths sticking out. This ceremony must cause quite a stir, I thought. Well, are you gonna kiss her or not?

I turned back to my “wife.” I thought about what religious people believe that marriage makes the man and wife of one body. Boy, were we ever. I leaned towards her, and she leaned towards me. Her dick entered my vagina, and soon her head was causing the penis to buck in and out of me, and I had the weirdest feeling of being penetrated. I was sure this wasn’t quite a feeling even a woman that I’d know of would feel. Her dick finally shot off its load and retracted into her mouth a few minutes later. Her lips closed around it and she smiled at me again.

Mr. and Mrs. Robert Verana, everyone!

Uh, my last name is Torremore, I said, flabbergasted.

Yes, we know, but here the man takes on the woman’s last name. She has the dick, after all.

I felt a bit disgusted. So the dick says the rules here?

Once again they heard me, and I didn’t realize it.

Oh, no, just for the wedding ceremony.

So the dick is recognized as a part of the man’s anatomy, after all?

What? What gave you a crazy idea like that? The penis has always been a part of the woman; we were shocked to see the female body part on you when we removed your clothing, but now, thanks to our great science, we have been able to return you to your true male gender.

I’m happy they did it, too, that pretty voice spoke into my head again. I couldn’t have a he-female for a husband, could I?

Wow, thanks, I said sarcastically.

Not catching the sarcasm, they said, Don’t mention it.

Just then I started to hear a baby crying. Funny, I can feel the sound emanating from my body, but I can’t figure out how.

Alyssa smiled and patted her belly. It’s coming along nicely, she said.

A couple attendants came over and helped pull off some of our clothing, leaving our lower half naked for everyone to see. Wow, thanks for baring my body, I said.

Our body, Alyssa said, and added when she noticed my distress, it’s ok. This is part of the ceremony.

At that, I looked down. Holy crap! Where I had seen blank skin, where my (female) penis should be

‘Stop it, it’s a male part, don’t ever forget it’

there was now a baby’s face. It had eyes, and down below, a vagina. An attendant bent down slightly to examine it. It’s a healthy baby boy! A voice from the female head of the attendant said. You get to raise this sweet little honey bunch for 9 months, and then he’ll start to walk on his own.

I noticed our shoes. I had a brown pennyloafer on, and she had a dainty open-toed high heel sandal on her foot, her toes painted the same color as the foot at the end of her arm. It was funny, but her shoe had at least 4 or 5” to the heel, and our legs didn’t seem to be disheveled at all. Her leg must be a few inches shorter than mine, the difference corrected in the high heel shoe. The attendants began helping us back into our clothing. At least we didn’t have to stay half naked.

I could feel her speak only to me, no one else. You’re gonna love where we go for our honeymoon, baby.

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Several hours later we arrived at Japaii by a very primitive boat. I thought I was going to die trying to use my foot to run the oar; we almost lost our grip on the oars several times, and if we’d lost them, who knows how we’d have survived to tell the tale.

We were greeted by the natives, and I noticed that all of them had the lower half of their bodies twisted around backwards. They gestured with the feet at the ends of their arms for us to follow them. This is a lovely place, I said to one of the natives. The native just looked at me curiously. The female head next to his didn’t look impressed.

Alyssa turned her brown-haired head in my direction, looking at me with her pretty green eyes. Don’t bother, they can’t understand you. She turned back to the native. Abwa ibba ine buwe buvo. He nodded and turned to me, nodding his head again. Nod lower than he does, she said. It’s customary when you pay a compliment. It means you truly mean it.

I nodded, bowing slightly. Something must have struck her wrong, Alyssa said. Take her foot and kiss it.

I reached out with my foot to take the foot of the native’s female head. Her foot looked filthy, and it took me several tries. There’s just no good way to grip a foot with another foot. Finally drawing it towards my mouth, I kissed the back of it.

By the gleam in his face I knew I had done well. I saw forgiveness in the female head’s face, too. We continued following the native, straight into a nearby hut. After the native conversed some with Alyssa in their strange language, they bowed and walked back out the door, leaving us alone.

I had a slightly confused look on my face, and wanted to know what they talked about. Oh, more customs, I’m afraid. When they ask if the hut is “agreeable,” as they put it (that’s the closest I can translate their word for “beautifully to your satisfaction”) it’s rude to say it’s not big enough, or any other related statement you could make. It means you’re not happy with their hospitality, a grave insult.

You know, I still haven’t seen all of our body, I said.

Well come on, handsome, that’s one reason we’re here, Alyssa said. Even though the voice was silent as always, somehow I detected a sexy tone to it. Here, I’ll need your help. She directed her painted foot towards the front of her clothing, indicating I do the same. It proved rather difficult to remove our clothing with our feet, but somehow we managed. I also realized as we were removing our clothing that I could taste the cock in Alyssa’s mouth. It’s hard to describe, but it somehow tasted both disgusting and lovely at the same time. You can take off your shoe and sock if you want, but I should keep my shoe on; it’ll make our walking easier.

Our clothing fully removed, all except for her high heel shoe, I was finally able to gaze at our body in its full nude splendor. Like the curtain had done, our body was split right down the middle. My side of our chest, my arm and leg were all hairy, her side devoid of hair, and she had what looked to be a 36C size breast. In exploration, I directed my foot towards her breast, kneading it slightly with my toes. My conscience shot me a guilty thought, and I abruptly stopped.

Evidently Alyssa felt my conscience too. Oh, no, don’t worry, she cooed. It’s as much yours as mine. I have no regrets, and this is expected if we’re to know each other to the fullest degree possible. Please continue!

Feeling better, I brought my foot back to her breast and continued kneading it. I could feel her smile. In a final test of solidarity, I pushed my foot against the breast, flattening it slightly, pushing breast flesh to the sides, then lifted the breast upwards and letting go, causing it to bounce and jiggle as it settled back down.

Oh, one thing I need to tell you. I hope you don’t mind wearing dresses.

My mind snapped back, confused. Dresses? I have to wear a dress?

Well, yes. How do you expect our baby to breathe? We can’t travel everywhere nude, you know.

Realizing there was no reason to argue, I accepted what she said, however sick I felt that I was gonna have to wear a dress.

Continuing to look at our body, I noticed a few other things as well. Not only was her leg shorter, but the high-heeled foot at its end was also shorter than my foot. For our arms, her foot was smaller and daintier than mine. I reached out and grasped her foot with mine (I found it slightly easier to do after having to kiss the native’s foot), and bringing her foot towards my mouth, directed it so her big painted toe went into my mouth, sucking it lightly. When I felt what seemed like my own toe being sucked, I stopped and released it from my mouth. Yes, she said. Anything that happens to either side of our body, we both feel it.

That’s quite an interesting feeling, I said.

Yes. Come on, baby. She indicated our bed with her foot. Let’s relax and enjoy ourselves more.

I relented, moving my leg to keep in rhythm while she moved hers. When did I learn to coordinate our walking? Oh well, it must be easier to learn than using a foot or two to do everything with.

We reached the bed and lay down upon it. I gave a loud contented sigh in my mind. The sheets felt something like silk.

I looked at her, and thoughts of her beauty, and of sex, filled my mind. Suddenly I could feel a dick pressing against the lips of my mouth. Wait a minute, I don’t have a mouth. It was my wife I was once again feeling! I realized I’d have to get used to that.

Wait a minute, I said. What will happen if we do this? We already have little Andrew here.

Nothing, honey. While we’re carrying a baby, sexual relations can’t harm anything. Nothing will happen. Relax.

I took her advice and relaxed, and when she started to kiss me, moving her foot to play with her breast at the same time, I had the best experience of my life.

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Two Months Later

After a great honeymoon, we moved back home. (Her home, anyway.) I’ve noticed that sometimes I lose control of my leg, this feeling of no control getting stronger as each new month passes. I was sure there was more I didn’t yet know about this race of “human beings” I’d found, and had to ask Alyssa about it.

Honey, I think there’s something wrong.

What is it baby? What’s the matter?

I’m losing control of my leg. It’s gradual, not happening that often, but I have noticed it, just the same.

Oh, that’s normal. I’m gradually losing control in my leg too. It’s our baby. He’s learning to take control of our legs! This is a happy moment in a parent’s life. It means he has no problems.

I thought about this, as my leg pounded up and down from the ground slightly out of my control while we sat, a cooing sound coming from between our legs. This is definitely weird. Not for these people, it’s completely normal for them. But for me, well, the surprises just kept coming, didn’t they?

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Four Months Later

Six months into our pregnancy, I had a new feeling. Similar to what I’ve felt before, yet more intense. I felt the total control of my leg go. Great, my wife cooed. It’s time for him to take his first steps.

I got scared. His first steps? But what if we fall?

Don’t worry, it’ll be ok. We won’t get hurt.

I felt our legs moving underneath us, the feet planting down on the ground and lifting us out of our sitting position. My leg moved tentatively forward, but it was shaking and wobbly. The high heel shoe on my wife’s foot didn’t help either. All of a sudden our body was falling rapidly toward the ground. My wife and I instinctively put out our feet to stop our fall.

See? We’re ok.

Take off that shoe, you could hurt him.

Nonsense. Our legs aren’t the same length, and if we take it off, it’ll just make things more complicated. Besides, he has to learn to walk in a high heel shoe. He might as well learn now.

I knew it was better not to argue. This is amazing, I said. I knew she wouldn’t understand just how amazing all this was, after all she didn’t come from where I did. This is how her entire existence has been, could she take in the knowledge of how my home world is? I wasn’t sure, but it didn’t seem very likely that I was ever going to get home.

Yes, the birth of new life is amazing. You’re right.

We turned our body over onto our back with our feet. It proved rather difficult, since we didn’t have the control of our legs. We pushed ourselves up into a sitting position, then once again felt our legs pushing us up off the floor. After falling a couple more times, our baby succeeding in making a few more steps each time, and us putting out our feet to stop the fall and then pushing ourself back into a sitting position, our baby finally managed to walk properly.

Oh, I’m so happy! My wife cooed. Our baby has taken his first steps! Andrew, I’m so happy for you!

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Two Months Later

Here we are, 8 months into our pregnancy. Doing chores around our hut was hard, considering we had to rely on our baby to walk us to where we wanted to go. If he didn’t want to go where we wanted to, well, tough luck. We didn’t get to go there.

We were straightening and folding some clothes when we heard it. Mama.

He spoke! My wife said gleefully. I used my foot to lift up the skirt of our dress. Looking down, first I saw the vagina, then our baby’s eyes. His eyes beamed up at us, happy. Good job, Andrew! Such a good boy!

Liking the praise, he started banging his feet together. I thought it looked something like clapping. Funny how a gesture like clapping can enter into a world that has no hands. But I was the only one to find this funny.

My wife gave me a consoling look as our baby started to cry. This is no time for that! Can’t you see he’s hurt?

I glanced down, and noticed that the stiletto heel of her shoe had dug slightly into the bare skin of the foot I no longer had control over, and it was bleeding. Some blood had run down onto the floor, creating a small pool. I noticed some pain, but knew how to control it from having small wounds in my normal world. I’m sorry, I wasn’t thinking of that, I didn’t notice that he was hurt until just now, when you said something.

Help me, I can’t lift this alone. My wife reached down with her foot and grasped the leg I didn’t have control over anymore. I just stared in shock, thinking about everything that has happened from when I arrived in this strange world until now. My wife brought me out of my stupor. Robert! The blood won’t stop! What are you doing?

Jolted, I put my foot down near where Alyssa had hers and helped her lift my leg up so we could tend to it. It’s ok Andrew, we’ll take care of your foot, she told him, but the baby continued to bawl just the same. Reaching over and picking up a first aid kit that was kept nearby in the hut in case of emergencies, she started dabbing medicine on it and then wrapped it up in a bandage. Your father’s also sorry, he didn’t mean to laugh. The baby stopped crying and yanked his injured and wrapped foot down, looking at it in wonder.

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One Month Later

9 months into the pregnancy, I was wondering what was going to happen next. Trying to figure out, I asked Alyssa about it.

Oh, it’s almost time for the separation, honey, she told me.

Separation? What kind of separation?

You always get worried. Don’t worry!

Over the course of the next several days, I began to feel a pain in my hips. It grew as time passed, until one day it became so excruciating that we just had to stop what we were doing.

It’s time.

Will this hurt?

Alyssa looked into my eyes. Yes. But then how often do births not hurt?

She had me there. Even though neither one of us knew much of births from the other’s home world, I suspected there were some little similarities. A couple of doctors in the town heard our cries of pain, and knowing what was going to happen, came in to aid us. Alyssa looked relieved to see them here.

She put her foot on her hip. You have to help me, I can’t do this alone.

I put my foot on my hip. Ok, but I don’t know what to do.

Just push, honey. One, two, three, NOW!

We both started pushing with our feet against our hips as hard as we could. The baby felt the pain and started to cry. There was nothing we could do to make it easier on him. I felt a tearing as everything below our belly began to separate. This was no magic act, either. The rending of our body in two had started to produce blood, and lots of it. As if on cue, the doctors rushed in, using bandages and pressure on the two halves of our body to stop the bleeding. The birth was a success.

Just then a thought came into my mind. Honey, how are we supposed to go to the bathroom?

Well, either you or I can get rid of our pee.

That’s only half of my question, I said. What about…

Oh, I have to do that. I have to use my mouth for that. All liquid and waste in our body will now be diverted.

Gross.

Yes, it is. It’s one of the parts about childbirth that bothers every woman. But the joys of marriage and childbirth outweigh that inconvenience.

I thought about just how brave my wife was. Could I have done this if I were the wife? I didn’t think so.

Over the course of the next several years, little Andrew continued to grow. I remember Alyssa sending him out to play with his friends. I’d watch him go out, the left foot bare and the right having Alyssa’s high heel stiletto on to keep his legs the same length, and we’d see a butt and pair of legs running off into the yard to play. Some of the other kids had one female high heel on too, of different heel heights, and some just didn’t need the aid. They just had on a women’s flat shoe on that foot. Sometimes Andrew would turn and happily lift his leg that had the women’s shoe on it, keeping balance on his other leg, and wave the foot, there being a flash of color in the air from the painted toenails on that foot. At times like this, I’d place my foot under our half-body for balance, while Alyssa lifted her pretty painted foot high and waved back.

We also could kiss all we wanted and not bring forth any more children. We didn’t have the lower half that’s required to bear a child, but as our child continued to grow, so we started to notice signs of growth at the lower half of our body. We’d examine our changes in a primitive mirror, standing on the feet at the ends of our arms for leverage and pushing our belly out to view.

At first on our body I just saw some toes, then gradually whole feet, then shins. But the growth was really slow, taking years, just as slow as Andrew’s growth was. We started noticing changes in Andrew like his face moving upwards; a belly, then a chest, would slowly form, his face moving upwards gradually as the rest of his body grew. When his face moved totally out from between his legs, it left only blank skin there.

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Thirteen Years After the Birth

Andrew has finally stopped growing. He now looks like a normal male from my home world, except for the vagina on his face and the feet where his hands should be. We introduced clothing to him, and Alyssa told me not to worry, the female head will grow soon. She really thinks I’m so accepting of this world, doesn’t she? Oh well, this is where I am and there’s nothing I can do about it.

Our lower half has also totally grown back. Oh, did I forget to mention the curiosity here? It’s totally backwards. I can look down and get a great glimpse of our butt and the heels of our feet. Moreover, we appear to have swapped legs. I asked Alyssa about this one day.

Oh, that’s right, honey, I keep forgetting you’re not from this world. Yes, you now have control of my leg, and I have control of yours.

What the heck? I’d said.

No, honey, it’s completely normal. This is what happens when the lower half grows back. Since it’s backwards, we have each other’s leg to control. Your new leg will stay hairless, and your foot dainty. Meanwhile, my leg will have plenty of hair, and my foot will be boisterous.

Hey, I don’t have boisterous feet, I’d stated, flabbergasted.

It’s a joke, honey. Here, we’re gonna have trouble walking if you don’t lift your leg up.

I lifted the pretty leg up, and it felt awkward to see the leg bend that way. I had to remind myself that our kneecaps were now on the backside of our body. She took my pretty painted foot and slipped a high heel shoe on it, trying to fix the ankle clasp so it’d stay on. But that’s hard to do even with two feet, and she could only use one.

I need you to hold the side of the strap for me. I lowered the foot that was on the end of my arm and held the side of the strap to my calf with my big toe. Yes, there. After several tries, she finally managed to close the clasp. You’d better get used to walking with that, she told me. It’ll make things much easier.

But why? I asked. I pointed my foot at our butt. What’s the reason for this? Why does this happen?

It’s all part of life, baby. We’ve finally entered the next stage of our marriage. It’s a part of our marriage together that every married couple experiences if they’ve lived long enough. When our legs grow back, they’re backwards, so we each have the other person’s leg to control, sort of “sealing the deal” on our marriage, if you want to put it like that.

And what happens if we decide to give birth to another child? When that happens, do our legs grow back again? And if they do, are they turned around right again?

Yes and no, she told me. Yes, our legs and butt will always grow back, given long enough after anytime we give birth. But no, once they grow back rotated around, they always grow back backwards. You will have control of my leg for the rest of your life.

Through the last several years, I’d felt a longing for my home world. It got slightly stronger as time went by. How was my family doing? How were my friends? I couldn’t see them anymore. But even if I could, would they want to see me now? Whether or not my being homesick showed, Alyssa seemed not to notice it.

We decided to “half kiss” when we wanted to kiss, keeping the sperm from shooting into my vagina, so we wouldn’t have any more kids. Walking in my high heel shoe was hard and wobbly at first, counting a few times I almost lost my balance. Over time I got better and better at it, till I was almost a natural at walking in it. Over the next several years, we gradually saw Andrew’s female head grow, Andrew’s head and neck sliding over towards his left shoulder to accommodate it.

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Three Years Later

It’s now been 16 years since Andrew was born. His puberty finally finished, in the form of the female head fully growing in, but the female head was “brain dead.” She looked quite pretty. Also, her half of his body grew a breast, the hair from her side of his chest and belly fell out, as well as the hair on her arm, and the foot at the end of her arm became pretty and dainty. Her arm also lost its muscle mass. Alyssa told me that was also normal, his female head wasn’t born there, and since it had to grow in, it takes a couple years to “jump start.” Until then, Andrew would keep full control of his body, and his arm that didn’t become feminine would have to be used for any heavy lifting.

A thought came to me. If this was how babies are born, and grow, well, somehow I’d acquired Alyssa’s head for marriage, and I knew that my body didn’t have the capability to grow her. Even if I’d been born here, I figured I was way past the age of puberty.

Was your head cloned onto my body?

No. We’ve perfected cloning, but it doesn’t work on heads. It does, but not like you’d think. You see, when a head grows on a body, a bond is formed between both heads on that body. The cloned head will always feel an affinity for the person’s body it grew on, or the other way around if that head was the original one. It’d never feel itself able to love the new person, hoarding all its love for the original. So it’d either fight the surgery with every fiber in its being, or if the doctor succeeded in connecting the new head, the new head would go insane. The host body would feel the insanity, and the whole body would be destroyed by it. It’s not a funny picture.

So what happened then? Something special had to happen.

You’re right, she said. Something special had to be done. Funny, but I thought you’d already heard this story by now. She paused.

Well? I’m listening.

She sighed. Ok, I’ll tell you. This story goes all the way back before the birth, to the time you first arrived here:

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Tom stuck a foot to his forehead. He didn’t feel good.

What’s wrong honey? Asked Alyssa.

Ooh, my head has been killing me. Can’t you feel it?

I hadn’t thought about it, but now that you mention it, yeah. I can feel an AWFUL pounding. We should go see a doctor.

They left for the doctor that very day.

What seems to be the problem? The male head of the doctor asked. The female head smiled, trying to make sure Mr. and Mrs. Tom Verana wouldn’t get frightened and start to panic. Tom and Alyssa told them of Tom’s awful headaches. Come over here and lie down so we can examine you, the male head said.

Tom and Alyssa moved over to the bed and lay on it. The foot on the side of the doctor’s male head started examining Tom. The foot of the female head was stroking my cheek lightly, trying to keep me reassured and calm. Panicking wouldn’t help this situation in the least.

The doctor left to make his calculations, and look over what he’d written down, coming back about 10 minutes later. I have good news and bad, he said. How about we start with the bad? The bad news is your husband has a fatal disease, sort of like a brain cancer. We’ve seen a few cases of this, and we have no way to cure it. This disease isn’t very common; it seems to appear in 30% of males who grew during female puberties. The good news is we caught this fairly early, and can administer some medicine and so slow the process down. But we can only allay the process by a couple of days. This will mean your husband has one week left to live.

But what about me? Alyssa asked the doctor. When he dies, what will happen to me? Will I be ok?

Alas, we’re afraid not. This is part of what’s so awful about this disease. When his head dies, your body won’t be able to handle the loss and yours will too. We’ve seen it happen in all the cases we’ve seen of this disease. There’s only one possibility you might survive.

Alyssa’s eyes got wide with hope. What’s that?

Unfortunately, this is pretty slim. We’d need a donor’s body to attach your head to. But I can’t think of anyone here who’d be willing to risk death themselves, by having us cut off their female head so we could attach yours there. Either way we look at this, it seems pretty grim.

Alyssa’s heart sunk. That didn’t sound very likely. Tom and Alyssa waited for several days in the hospital, taking medication to prolong Tom’s death as long as possible. It seemed like death was going to take them, there was no hope of any escape. Then the light appeared at the end of the tunnel, so to speak.

That was when Alyssa started hearing strange noises outside, and excited whispers. She wanted to get up and go out, to see what was going on, but she didn’t want to make Tom get out of the hospital bed. The doctor had warned against their moving from the bed, saying doing that might speed up the spread of disease.

A little while later a native entered the tent, followed by a very strange-looking man. He appeared to be deformed. He only had one head, and he appeared to have both male and female features. The existence of his mouth and nose, where his vagina should have been, was very weird. Strangest of all, where were his feet? The pair that should be at the ends of his arms, that is. I’d never seen things like he had at the end of his arms before, and the sight of them made me sick. What’s wrong with this guy? Alyssa asked herself. She tried to call out to him. Hi. Are you here to help me? But there was no response. When the doctor brought the knockout rag to the man, he did something that almost made Alyssa jump out of her skin in surprise. She’d never expected to hear that come from a mouth. A mouth that only a woman should have, at that.
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I interrupted Alyssa’s story for a minute. Wait a minute. I was deformed? I didn’t want this, I indicated by sticking my foot up in the air.

Oh, get off it, Alyssa said. You didn’t look well, and we cured you. Now you’re perfect.

Deciding that arguing would get us nowhere, I told Alyssa to continue her story.
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After the strange man sniffed the knockout rag, the doctor began to work on him. I turned my head away, not wanting to watch the doctor at work. A couple hours later, I heard the doctor speaking to the strange man. The man still didn’t look quite right, but at least he seemed to understand what the doctor was saying. He didn’t yet seem able to speak back, though.

I wasn’t sure what the doctor said to him, he kept it pretty low, but several minutes later I saw the man nod his head, and the doctor proffered the rag again to his face, knocking him out. The doctor turned around and walked to Alyssa. He was beaming. Great news! He has said he wants to find out about us, instead of being made to return to his home world, only containing vague mists of what happened here. You have a donor’s body!

Alyssa felt elated. She had a chance to live! The doctor covered Alyssa’s mouth and nose with the knockout rag just as Tom took his last breath. They were just in time, and Alyssa felt the connection between herself and Tom fade.

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I woke up, overjoyed to be still alive. And that’s the story, Alyssa told me.

Wait a minute, I still don’t understand everything. I’m sure just attaching your head to my shoulders, and moving my head over to accommodate yours wouldn’t cause the rest of my body to change the way it has.

Well, I had the same question, and I asked the doctor about this when you went to sleep after the operation had finished. They said that, believe it or not, they actually every once in a while had a fully-grown youth after the youth’s puberty that had deformities. Deformities like only one head, no penis in the mouth for the female, no vagina instead of a mouth and nose for the male, and had genitals “down there,” making childbirth impossible. They’d also observed deformities such as all of the body only being of one gender. They actually had hormone medicine that could correct the imperfections. That took care of one side of our body, the ugly female genitals you had between your legs, and made your face healthy again.

Ok, but what about these feet? I asked, raising a foot again.

Oh, I asked about that too. They told me that had to be corrected using a different method. They cloned the feet from my old body with Tom and attached them in place of the horrible…whatever you had there.

They’re called hands.

Oh? That’s curious. Such strange body parts, I can’t even begin to fathom their use. What do married couples use to move around with after the baby has separated? I’d think those…handles would be awkward for that purpose.

Hands.

Whatever.

Well, I can see your view of our world, but it’s incorrect. For one thing, babies do separate, but it’s only from the mother. And the mother still has her legs after the baby comes out.

Alyssa had a confused look on her countenance. But the husband…how’d they separate him without killing both him and his wife? Right then she screamed, which didn’t sound good at all in my head. That poor baby! It’d be so deformed, not even having legs!

No, they have legs AND arms right then.

Wha…huh? I don’t get it.

Like I was told, it may have to be something you witness firsthand. You may never understand the way things are from my world unless you can see them happen with your own eyes. She accepted that and stopped asking questions.

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Two Years Later

Andrew was now 18. Pretty Larissa’s head had fully come to accept the “spark of life.” It now came time for their marriage. I noticed the ceremony attendants coming in to get them ready, putting the curtain dividing their body in two. A couple hours later, I was ready to walk in as the father of the bride.

I now realized what I’d felt grab my female side’s arm. I reached out, hooking the thin, pretty feminine arm with the dainty foot on the end of which the toenails were painted under my arm, and walked beside my child. Everyone in the audience stood as the bride entered. When we sat down at the front of the ceremony room, we had to sit down backwards so we could see. It was a beautiful ceremony, and I was slightly shocked to see Larissa’s cock enter Andrew’s vagina when he was told to kiss the bride, even though I knew it was coming. That was the first time I’ve ever seen anyone else doing it. Andrew’s best friend stood in as his Man of Honor. I noticed that his best friend had on a dress, and thought that they must have a baby on the way.

Mr. and Mrs. Andrew Laraimie, everyone!

Oh, you may wonder about the last name, why a head that grew there would be given a different last name than that of its host. I understand it was an identity thing. They give the new head, whether male or female, a totally different last name too. The last name they kept at marriage depended solely on the female’s last name.

A thought entered my head, and I asked Alyssa about it. Alissa, when you get to the “I do,” what happens if one of them says “I don’t?”

She looked at me funny. Huh? That…that just doesn’t happen. The person who said “I don’t” would be such a disgrace, they’d probably go mad or something. She shook her head vigorously. Sometimes I wonder where you get these strange notions from.

Hearing her say that reminded me of home. A strong wave of homesickness washed over me, amplified by our years together, and I’m sure Alyssa felt it this time.

Honey, I’m getting a weird feeling from you. What’s wrong?

I can’t ignore it any longer. I’m homesick hon.

Homesick? What’s that? Do we need to go to the doctor?

No, no doctor. Of course you wouldn’t feel that, I told her. You’re never away from home for long. It means I long to go back to where I came from. I have family back there, and friends. I left my old life behind when I came here. And I want as much as possible of my old life back.

But…that’s impossible. You can’t go back.

Yeah, but the doctor so many years told me if I took the blue pill, I’d go back home with hazy mists of what happened here. I chose the red pill instead, and here I am today.

Blue pill? Red pill? She asked.

Never mind, it’s a joke you wouldn’t get.

In spite of her insisting that it’s impossible, she couldn’t quell my homesickness, which just got worse each new day. One week later we decided to take a walk.

Honey, you just have to get over this homesickness. There’s nothing anyone can do. My doctors would be able to help you, but you’ve learned way too much about us. In the memory wipe, they could turn you into a vegetable.

Nevertheless, I can still have hope. Hope is all I—hey, what’s that?

Alyssa saw it right after I did. That’s weird.

We walked up to the object, which was partially obscured under a tree root that came out of the ground slightly. I reached down to pick it up, but my foot went right through it. That’s weird, I can’t pick it up.

Here, let me try. Alyssa lowered her foot and snagged it between her two biggest toes. I’ve never seen anything like this before in my life, she said. I’d be willing to bet that no one else in my village, or any other village has, either. There’s nothing in the written records for this.

We looked at it together. I knew it to be a coin, but I’m sure Alyssa wouldn’t have known what a coin was. One side had a picture of boiling oil just outside a castle falling down onto a dragon flying nearby. The other side had a genie, but like the people here, the genie had one male head with a vagina on it and a female head, as well as feet where his hands should have been. He held his feet up, toes facing him, pressed together to show a tattoo of the number “1.” There was also a description on this side.

Alyssa didn’t know what this creature was, even though he looked normal by the standards of her world. She also didn’t know what the number or the inscription read. I don’t understand any of this, it’s written in no language I’ve ever seen before.

Here, let me. I reached out and placed my foot on hers, discovering that once again my foot went through the coin. It felt to me like she wasn’t holding anything at all. I still can’t touch it. I’ll have to lean in closer to read the inscription. “The Coin of Blitzkrieg will grant your deepest desire.” Alyssa gave me a blank expression, clearly not understanding my home language. I explained it to her. You say “I wish…”

What’s a wish? She asked.

It’s something you say when you want your innermost desire to come true. Can you think of anything you want more than anything else? When you do, you say what you want starting with the words “I wish.”

Alyssa thought long and hard. I want your happiness. If you can’t be happy, I can’t be happy, no matter what the outcome may be. I wish you could go back to where you came from. The coin glowed so brightly, I had to shield my eyes with my foot and Alyssa dropped the coin to shield hers. By the time the light subsided, the coin was gone.

Hmm, I said. I wonder if anything will hap—Right then I felt a jolt in my stomach, and moving my foot down to clutch it, I collapsed into the leaves of the forest floor.

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I woke up with a pounding headache. Where was I? I glanced around. I was in a room. There was a picture of a beautiful female supermodel. She only had one head, and hands instead of feet. “My, she looks strange. She looks to be long past her puberty. I wonder if she’ll have to see a doctor about growing her male head, and cloning feet for her?”

Right then I noticed two things. First, this was my room! I’d almost forgotten how that poster of that supermodel looked! She was completely normal! Second, I hadn’t said those words the way I’d thought.

My, she looks strange. She looks to be long past her puberty. I wonder if she’ll have to see a doctor about growing her male head? That was the way I said it. I brought my arm up to hold my head, as if to “shield” my head from the pounding headache I had. My stomach dropped as I noticed that I still had a foot at the end of the arm. Get a hold of yourself, I told myself. She’s normal and you know it. Stop thinking in that warped way.

Honey, what’s wrong?

I almost had a heart attack. I turned my head to the right, and sure enough, Alyssa’s head was right where it’d been for the last 19 years. I have a pounding headache.

I climbed out of bed, which was hard to do considering Alyssa was half-asleep, and I’d half hoped my lower half would be turned around right, discovering it wasn’t. Turning on the bed so my legs were hanging over and feeling the kneecaps prevent them from bending downward definitely didn’t help. Honey, why is there a picture of a deformed woman on the wall?

There’s something you need to know right now, I told her. We’re here in my home now. Over here, we’re the deformed one. We pulled on some clothing and I found a bandana to cover my vagina. Alyssa had to help me tie it in back. Tying it with just one hand was hard enough, and we didn’t have hands, after all.

Alyssa started to cry slightly. You mean I’m in YOUR world? I was hoping that only you’d come back, not me too.

What’d you expect? You’d die if you stayed behind, and I might have just died over here without you. You’re just gonna have to get used to it; I did in your world.

Oh no; everyone’s going to gawk at us.

Well, we can’t stay in here forever. We have to go out sometime. And remember that once I was in this position when I first came to your world.

I headed over to the door and pulled the doorknob, finding I couldn’t turn it with my foot. Honey, you need to help me.

What’s that thing?

It’s called a doorknob. I need you to help me turn it. It took us several tries and we moved through our house, towards the front door and out into the outside world.

The End