Topic: New writer in need of opinions

I'm a new writer that just started writing transformation stories in search of a new hobby and decided I would ask some opinions. You're welcome to skip to the questions at the end but I figured I would post a short story prior for the sake of discussion

The Artist

Slowly, and with a careful eye Syn circled the latest model that had been sent to her, examining her for every last ounce of potential. What stood in front of her would have already been a marvelous prize for any man- soft but generous curves, long flowing brown hair and near flawless lightly tanned skin, but this was not what was needed, and this was not what shi, or those in her trade would consider the peak of perfection.

This was for two reasons, the first being hir own existence, shi was a lust demon and a damn good one at that. Shi may have herself been physically modest for such a term, sporting endowments only large by human standards but her sinfully red hair, spade tail and short devil horns left no doubt what she was, and neither did her ability to bring out the desires of those shi came in contact with.

The second reason being hir trade, shi had not just come to work amongst humans like a commoner, she had come to feed off of and grow stronger from the sins of man by fulfilling the role of an artisan of sorts. Simply put, humanity as a whole had a hunger that could be a match for her own, to see the exotic, to indulge primal urges and to experience it first hand.

“So what brings you to my studio?”

“Marco sent me to get setup for his film, i was told you were expecting me?”

“Ah, so you must be Fae, the lead role in his next “monster” movie?

“Yes I am”

“Well i’m not sure the script he sent was up to par with your potential, but i suppose i’ll give him something to make his little film a worthwhile watch. I take it he gave you the full explanation as to my methods and their implications?”

“To a degree, he mentioned that you’re a lot more effective than human alchemists”

“That I am as I can use magic to its fullest, not just use cheap potions for a temporary effect. anything i do to you should be considered permanent with the exception of me removing it”

“That about what I expected from what I was told. Also Marco said that the effect needs to last throughout the whole shoot and that when it’s done he’ll send me back to undo everything”

“Excellent, well then no need to be modest, you can head over to the backdrop and we can get started. By the way, do you want the changes to be applied strictly professionally or do you want to have fun with it?”

“Why don’t we start professional and see where it goes”

“Those are dangerous words to say to a demon”

With that Syn’s next canvas stripped bare as shi hirself prepared quite sensuously to begin, teasing almost as if she was the one on display, just to lure the girl in front of hir into her last comment. With a smooth motion as she practically sauntered over to Fae she began to suckle on hir own fingers, one by one she transforming each.

“Professional is different for a succubus I take it?”

“Well I am a demon, Syn isn’t just my name, sin is my profession”

“Fair point” she said as she looked to her sculptors hand, each one had become what looked like a small tentacle, shi still bent them like normal fingers but they were smooth and slowly dribbled from their tips what she believed to be pre.

“Well, i did need some brushes” shi said unable to hide a mischievous smile.

With little hesitation shi simply raised her former index finger to Fae’s right breast and painted a small dollop of pre on her nipple. Within moments Fae became flushed with arousal as her areola formed a small fissure. Allowing little more than a surprised gasp, her whole boob tensed up as her new pussy formed, tightly clenching and in the throes of an orgasm.

“Its incredible isn't it, that first orgasm from a brand new genital coming into existence? I hope you're not already exhausted from just one because you have bigger and better things in your future”. With little ceremony, not that Fae could protest while in orgasm, Syn playfully teased and soon fucked the new entrance with her middle tentacle finger. Mere moments later a perfectly straight bulge pulsed in and out of sight from her arm to the tip of the buried tentacle cock.

“Definite emphasis on bigger, I could just inflate your bosom with magic and a thought but I do so enjoy pumping people up, every drop of cum adding an equivalent amount of flesh”.

Syn still finger fucking her canvas gracefully repositioned hirself behind her for better access. Fae’s breast continued to swell ever larger, well past any natural size as the demoness continued to cum in her new pussy nipple while drawing forth every ounce of pleasure. Shi teased a new g spot masterfully and massaged the burgeoning flesh with the remaining fingers on that hand.

With little more warning than a “now let's make sure your not too lopsided” remark Syn repeated the transformation on the other breast with her other hand. Now groping both from behind Fae was completely at hir mercy and unable to do more than moan as she just grew and grew.

“People don’t typically star in films like yours unless their already wanting to partake in the exotic for themselves. I could see it plain as day the moment you stepped in my studio that you were already aroused at the idea of transformation and that this was more than just “makeup” for a job. How about we completely forgo the professional part and indulge a bit?”

Moaning and gasping in arousal Fae simply grasped and pushed syn’s hands harder into her breasts and uttered a single “yes”
With a smirk Syn wisped away her own clothes in a puff of smoke and placed a seal on the studio so as not to be interrupted. Hir spade tail whipped free and wrapped around the pair until it was rubbing Fae’s original slit while hir own clit swelled forth reforming as hir previously hidden and not so modest cock.

Mere moments later she pumped one last glob of cum into each of Fae’s breasts, swelling them to the point shi could no longer reach the nipples and causing hir fingers to audibly pop out. While her canvas was in the throes of yet another orgasm and squirting milk, shi grabbed her below her bosom and quickly inflated another set of boobs, complete with nipple cunts just like before.

Meanwhile shi transformed her own tongue into a tentacle, just like her fingers before and began passionately kissing the neck of the now extremely blissed out and barely conscious Fae. Soon the flesh on her shoulders bulged upwards in a thick ring, swelling until it forced Fae’s face to look upwards. It quickly turned an arousing red shade and formed a cock tip, still separate from Fae’s head and neck but practically swallowing her as pre began to well up around the seam.

“You’re coming along so good and so quick” Syn remarked as she released her grasp of the girls new bosom, just after inflating it to a slightly smaller size than her first set. Both rows were by now massive, impossibly perky and apparently gravity defying as Fae could still stand.

“Time for something else new, I hope your ready” Syn quickly summoned a large bed from the ether and bent Fae over, ass in the air and tits resting on the new silk sheets without any protest.

Without hesitation the demoness lined up hir footlong manhood with hir canvases ass and let out a large dollop of pre to lube the way, just before slowly thrusting her to the hilt. Shi continued thrusting for several minutes but dialed back her “sinful” aura to the point the arousal she generated would have been human in level so Fae could eventually regain her senses.
“Oh god, everything feels so hot and...horny”

“Well that is what lust demons tend to do to humans, by the way your looking marvelous. I figured I would ask about an option before I finish your transformation and well, talking could prove difficult. In my travels I meet some incredibly fun souls who I keep around, you can think of them as “imps” of a sort now but they’re souls I make a contract with to aid me before their turn to  reincarnate comes up. Would you like to test out some of your abilities on others before your on the screen? They do add quite a bit of fun to the mix.”

“I never thought that transforming would be so exhilarating, it feels like every part of me wants to reach the peak and cum but every inch of me is hungry for more”

“It appears that a bit of me has rubbed off on you, I’ll take that as a yes. I’ll summon them briefly, now then it's time for the next stage…”. With that syn ceased suppressing her aura and started to cum. Shi never lost her composure or had to stop thrusting but she slowly pumped more and more mass into the girl. It soon became apparent that every time she hilted her the mass of that cum was absorbed and sent straight to her dick neck as it lengthened in spurts to the timing of the thrusts. It quickly lengthened with her face atop the tip but soon as she passed the 2’ mark the outer maleness began to grow slightly faster engulfing her visage.

By the time it passed the 4’ mark her original head was completely swallowed aside from some strands of hair that were being sucked in. Syn however took her time, the moans and gasps of Fae were muffled but still audible, she was being vored by her own cock head until she merged with it. Soon she passed the 6’ mark from her shoulders and with one final thrust and massive load from the demoness, Fae came hard from her new appendage, gallons of cum spurting from her mouth and down the urethra engulfing her as her head was absorbed into its very walls.

“You make a fine cock girl, the final touches are on you” shi said slapping her on the ass before pulling out and finding a chair.
“Now then the “imps”” shi said conjuring up 4 puffs of smoke on the bed beside her latest sculpture. they quickly condensed into short but supple young women in their late teens.

Just a short visit to the mortal realm girl's, Fae here is soon to be movie star and needs a bit of practice with some new found abilities”

“Ohh, what did you give her? She’s already quite impressive, just as always”

“A few fun additions though she’s the one that has to do the work, have you recovered enough for some more? If so you're free to play with these girls as you please”

Slowly Fae rolled over and sat up, fully aroused and completely defying gravity, “You’ve got exactly what the script detailed though I did add a little flair. You should be able to telekinetically move objects and people, I would drag 3 of them down below eventually if you catch my drift”

With slow and almost graceful motion one of the imps, a girl with kinky dyed blue hair  and pale skin drifted upwards, giggling all the way until she was hovering several feet in the air with her pussy directly over the massive dick head.

“Well don’t be a tease, you're not the only one with an epic libido here. I love it all and get to experience it every day of my afterlife, so do your thing. Absorb, inflate, swallow or show me whatever gift Syn has given you and don’t you dare hold back”
With that Fae quit her delicate handling of the imp, she wanted it as bad as her and pushed her down hard, aggressively grinding her crotch into her cock head tip, smearing prodigious amounts of pre into her until she practically glistened from her nethers. She took this as a cue that the others were of similar inclination and without hesitation telepathically dragged 2 others, a blue eyed blond and a stacked latina head first into her nipple cunts, practically force feeding them her milk as she began to lactate heavily. Finally she spread her own legs wide and moved the final girl with pink hair down to her original pussy, sending her to pleasure her folds

“Ah, atta girl, now you're getting to the good part, everything down there is tingling with transformation” exclaimed the blue haired imp as her changes began. Fae began to bounce her up and down,  probing her pubic mound as it swelled out in spurts to her timing. After an agonisingly long minute her mound was massive, her legs were almost splayed out at a right angle from the excess flesh and with one hard thrust the tip of the cock girl popped inside her.

Just as agonisingly slow she worked the imp deeper and deeper, bulging her hips and waist wide while her pussy grew further to accommodate her entirety. Eventually she began to reform and loose features, head, legs and arms receding as mass redistributed to encompass more and more cock. Finally she was hilted by Fae and reduced to a massive living onahole, permanently aroused and completely featureless other than a giant, hungry set of pussy lips at her base.

Lower down the pair at her breasts were gorging on her milk, not from simply being force fed but from an almost addiction level need that had been hammered into them They giggled uncontrollably in a lust fueled drunkenness and writhed from pleasure as their libidos grew and burned with each swallow. Slowly but inevitably they began to change in almost imperceivable ways, as they teased their pussies they became permanently moist, their breasts dribbled milk when massaged and their tongues lengthened, lapping milk from deep inside Faes bosom, pleasurung her to greater heights.

Finally the pink haired girl was busy eating out the cunt in front of her expertly until she coaxed out a transformation hidden on Fae that had grown inside and unseen until it was ready to burst forth. With a startled surprise the imp went from licking feminine folds to deep throating a large tentacle emerging from inside them. It quickly claimed her mouth as it thrust deeper and deeper while a thick knotted part on the stalk emerged, coming closer to her lips as she was taken even further.

Without remorse it forced its way into her mouth and bloated out, bulging her cheeks and linking them together as it began to fulfill its role. Instantly the knotted girl began to cum hard, the magic of the act converting her mass to fem-cum and milk by the gallon, steadily shrinking her.The tentacle reeled back, dragging the imp head first with it, not just until her face was forced into Fae’s crotch but deeper, tugging her into a pussy that stretched wide while she shrank to fit.

Quickly she disappeared inside the slit while Fae’s abdomen grew a pregnant bulge the likes never seen before on a human. Now with its prize tucked away safely the tentacle began to wreak havoc on the girl with a new wave of transformations. From the outside her fate was both clearly sealed and extreme, evident from bulges that pushed out upon the skin of her captor proudly displaying the catch. Multiple tits, tentacles and endowments could be recognized as they briefly forced into the walls of their prison, far more than the girl entered with.

Inside she had merged with the tentacle, mouth seamlessly fused to the bulb as it fed off her dark fantasies. She was rapidly slipping between new and exotic forms she had lusted for, they welled up in an instant transforming her from the neck down before receding in a full body orgasm. They were however not gone but recorded experiences, the tentacle was tasting her sinful urges one by one down to the subconscious level, gorging but saving a little piece of each to be used for its last trick.

Finally the barrage peaked and her body contracted around the tentacle, fusing and becoming one with it while it reformed with those saved pieces of sin intact. In a mere moment she was forced out of the womb jutting out into the world in her new found form but still rooted from inside. Everyone looked to her as she writhed in pleasure in the air, she had become a long, slender and clearly male tentacle. Her original skin color was in tact and at quick glance she was covered in tattoos, all the same color of her hair.

“Do you like that little curse I added? Look closely and you can see scenes in the moving calligraphy of her erotic fantasies playing out. She can feel them as if they were really happening to her with a proper body despite not having one, feeling constant sex for the rest of her waking days while the tentacle she is will never stop being horny from it”

“Also, she won’t be alone in that fate” Syn proclaimed with a whimsical smile as an identical tentacle to the one that claimed her imp burst forth from Fae. Almost on cue the pink tentacle reached forth to capture new prey, wrapping around the latina’s waist and plunging into her pussy, all while lifting her away from Faes bosom. Gleefully the latina encouraged her friend onward, too horny and lust drunk from the milk to possibly object while her fate was sealed. Like the other imp she went head first but while she was busy shrinking her friend continued fucking her, even following her into the womb when she was dragged in.

The same scene as before unfolded as the imp was transformed and forced out as a new subservient tentacle, heavily tanned with black tattoos, similar in nature the prior girl. With an insatiable hunger the pair eyed up the final blond and descended upon her sealing the final imps fate.

“I dare say you came out spectacularly” exclaimed Syn as shi inspected her latest masterpiece. Before hir stood a beautiful monstrosity, its head cock could penetrate anything via transformative pre,  its massive boobs and nipplecunts oozed milk that intoxicated and aroused its prey and a trio of girls turned tentacles lashed out for more victims to join them.

“While it would be fun to let you have her I’d take off Blue, you’ll need to show some other actresses the pleasure of a full body fucking. I’ll let you keep those other three for the shoot however, they’ll be ecstatic to be in the movies and won’t be too out of place.”

”Anyways, your “victims” will eventually reform regardless in about a month, expect a world shattering orgasm when the magic reverts and the transformation flows in reverse. That being said you don’t need to hold back on the set as you can’t truly harm anyone, at worst you just inconvenience them in exchange for some fun.”

“Well, off you go to wreak havoc” shi proclaimed as the teleported her away in a puff of smoke.

“On to the next canvas”

I hope you enjoyed, I suppose i'll ask my questions. They mostly revolve around what others want to see in a story, to help me decide if work is worth posting or extra work i should put in

-How much of an introduction (non-sexual start of a story) do people usually read? while a well written intro or background can be nice I get the impression that people skim forward to the erotic parts (I am completely guilty of this, and if i only wrote for myself i would likely never invest more than a paragraph to intro's)

-I know there's several topics/posts on this general idea but i figured i would ask anyways- temporary or permanent tranfsormation preferred? I'll in all likelyhood stick to temp (personal preference) but is a big part of peoples fetishes the actual permanence of the change? for context did stating in the story at the end that the victims would eventually reform sour the ending?

- is their a preference to lots of dialogue or little? its a bit subjective to a writers style but i am curious as I do not consider myself good at dialogue (i don't think i've written dialogue since early high school before starting back up tbh)

- is their preferred story length? i know that this is again subjective to a writers style but due to the subject matter, what in general what would the ideal story  or chapter length be. I don't personally consider it more than the above story

thanks for any input


Re: New writer in need of opinions

Just keep going like this and you'll be perfectly fine.


Re: New writer in need of opinions

Dear God I just accidentally discovered my moderator powers by hitting the wrong button.  Fixing.

edit: Sorry about that, I severely derp'd.


Re: New writer in need of opinions

And now, the regularly-scheduled post I intended to make in the first place before I hit the "catastrophic derp" button.

To put my input into your questions:

-How much of an introduction (non-sexual start of a story) do people usually read? while a well written intro or background can be nice I get the impression that people skim forward to the erotic parts (I am completely guilty of this, and if i only wrote for myself i would likely never invest more than a paragraph to intro's)

This depends entirely on the reader and their personal proclivities.  Quite frankly the more well-written the intro, in most cases, the more likely you are to have someone do more than skim the document for their favorite fetishes before moving along.  I've gotten drawn into stories that weren't normally my cup of tea, personally because they were well-written and the materiel at all points was well-handled.

-I know there's several topics/posts on this general idea but i figured i would ask anyways- temporary or permanent tranfsormation preferred? I'll in all likelyhood stick to temp (personal preference) but is a big part of peoples fetishes the actual permanence of the change? for context did stating in the story at the end that the victims would eventually reform sour the ending?

There's a big subset for both.  Temporary transformations, however are best placed into the Transformation Stories thread on this forum rather than the Tales of Belial from what I have seen and read.  Permanence is a big thing for the Belial setting, but in the other forum, so far as I know almost anything goes.  And there are people who will appreciate well-written stories of temporary transformations, so there's an audience.

- is their a preference to lots of dialogue or little? its a bit subjective to a writers style but i am curious as I do not consider myself good at dialogue (i don't think i've written dialogue since early high school before starting back up tbh)

Dialog is always the hardest for most people.  One of the hardest things to do is differentiate personalities and different modes of speech, personal proclivities of the characters, keeping them separate, etc.  It's an art, and even people who are well-practiced at it often have dialogue that falls flat.  It's one of those "Live and Learn." kind of things.  In my opinion, dialogue done right can actually make or break a story for a lot of people.  Character interaction/growth/personality should always carry a high priority in most stories. 

But like I said, it's hard to do sometimes, especially with two or more characters with similar outlooks.  If care is not taken to differentiate the manner in which each one talks to people, usually, it can come across like many people having a conversation is really one person talking to themselves.  But memorable characters will be remembered for a long time.

- is their preferred story length? i know that this is again subjective to a writers style but due to the subject matter, what in general what would the ideal story  or chapter length be. I don't personally consider it more than the above story

The ideal length of the story is however long it takes to tell an enjoyable story.  Don't focus on how long or short it should be, focus on the story you want to tell.  There is no formula.  I write my stories, not everyone likes them, sure.  But if I try to tell you that you should do it my way, then I am very likely to cause you to become frustrated because you're not able to fit into that box when you really are trying.

You need to find your groove, your comfort level and your "fun zone."  When an author is inspired and enjoys the writing, it actually can usually be seen by the reader.  It's easier to get into and fall into a tale that the writer had fun writing, or held strong emotional meaning to them.

In short, don't worry about how long.  Focus on what works for you, your comfort zone and your enthusiasm.  If you write better characters than descriptions, I recommend exploiting that strength at every turn while building up the description bit by bit until the descriptions hit your comfort zone.

Most stories that fail, believe it or not, fall into the category of "Difficult to read" for the reader.  This can be anything from use of grammar and paragraphs to pure squick factor.  the latter you can't do much about, but you can work on making sure it reads well.

My best advice is once you are done writing the story, and editing it, read the story to yourself out loud, skipping nothing.  You will find a lot of instances of "God that sounded better in my head..." I know I have done that a lot.  Reading things aloud also helps with dialogue and character interaction.  If you read characters and your "mental voice" for each one is the same, then they need to have their traits broken up until they sound like unique characters.

Reading the stories aloud to yourself can catch a LOT of the most glaring problems in your own writing.


Re: New writer in need of opinions

I really love the story.  It has room to grow for transformation descriptions.


Re: New writer in need of opinions

Thanks for the input and opinions, It'll help me focus in on a few of the uncertainties I had while writing the above piece. I do think the clarity i got mulling the story over for a few days, reading the opinions and in particular LamiaWoman's post will make for better stories